Wasted Wednesdays

Disclaimer: If you never have alone time, this post may make you want to hurt me. Also, if your first thought after reading the title to this blog was, “she’s been drinking during the day again,” then I am heartily offended. Everyone knows I don’t drink until Oprah comes on.

“If you want something done, give it to a busy person.”—unknown

Or, by contrast, if you give me a little freetime, I will no doubt waste it. Take every single Wednesday, for example.

Each week I have exactly 9 hours to myself without kids—with 5 of them falling on Wednesday. The idea is that I am supposed to be working during those hours, but because I never know when creativity will strike, this is usually not the case. It’s not that I don’t have work to do, it’s just that I do my best writing at night, and I do my best of everything else on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  That leaves Wednesday for doing…absolutely nothing.  And for some reason, the idea of all this time to myself freaks me out.

Wasn’t it only a few short years ago that I NEVER had a free moment to myself? Wouldn’t the 2005 version of myself love to shake 2010 me by the shoulders and scream, “For God’s sake, ENJOY yourself woman!”   It’s almost as if all the times I felt trapped by the fact that I had to drag 3 kids with me everywhere has made me pinky swear with the universe that I will never, ever waste my alone time by sitting at home. “I’m alone! “Time to go everywhere I’ve ever wanted to go but was afraid to take a 3 ring circus along!”

Sounds like heaven, doesn’t it? So why does the prospect cause me severe anxiety?  

My friend Renee was the first one to point it out. “Why do you get so anxious about having time to yourself?” she asked me one Wednesday morning, when she found me in my usual parking spot outside the preschool, looking for the panic button in my minivan…. uh, I mean checking my email on the iPhone. Good question! I thought about that for awhile as I drove aimlessly toward Starbucks.

The funny thing is that I’ll wake up tomorrow morning with 5 new work projects and 10 things I want to do that would be easier to do alone.

Oh well, there’s always next Wednesday.

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