I’m a middle-aged woman now and you all know what that means: yes, I’m into yoga now.

And no, this doesn’t mean I’m going to retire my roller skates (more on that later). But it probably does mean that you might see me coming out of Starbucks with my #PSL wearing yoga pants and you totally won’t be able to sigh and say, “she probably doesn’t even know what Warrior pose is.” Because I totally do and I can wear these yoga pants anywhere I want…just like I did before I knew about yoga.

Ok, to explain my newfound excitement about yoga: some background. I was feeling really stressed back in August. (sidenote: I have this superpower where I can turn stress into stomach ulcers and other fun disorders.) Meanwhile food trucks and food festivals and beer drinking opportunities were in abundance. So I called and ordered up some ‘old people’ prescription Nexium from my doctor.

But it wasn’t working. In fact, soon it felt like everything I ate was burning a hole through my stomach and out the back via my shoulder blade. I stopped eating (because duh, it hurt like hell whenever I ate) and lost over 10 pounds in 3 weeks. (sidenote: fuck everyone who says “it must be nice.” To you I say: it must be nice to EAT food!)

Yeah, I totally need(ed) to calm down.

Enter my new good friend Jackie Casal Mahrou. I’m kidding, she doesn’t even know I exist. But for only $10 per month, my yoga download subscription gives me unlimited access to Jackie’s soothing voice and her reassuring words that I can “clean out my stressful thoughts, exactly like cleaning out a junk drawer” in my house. No, it’s not porn; they charge way more on those sites (I have heard).

At first I thought Jackie from yoga download was crazy. This downward dog position is NOT a normal position for my body to be in for more than 2 seconds and asking me to lay still and ‘not think’ is highly laughable. But oddly, I excel at tree pose. Who knew I was so coordinated? I should probably call my high school basketball and softball coaches and let them know.

I made Henry take this and he could not stop laughing at me. Can't imagine why ;-)

I made Henry take this and he could not stop laughing at me. Can’t imagine why 😉

Anyway, yoga–and Jackie–helped me hold it together while my GI doctor and my regular doctor traded notes trying to figure out what to do with me. (It turns out I have gallstones, which is just fancy talk for “You eat too much butter and bacon.”)

In addition to relieving anxiety, Yoga is also a powerful antidepressant. And it really helps focus your attention on gratitude…as opposed to shooting people with a vintage bow and arrow set. (sorry, that thought just keeps popping up). I even attended an in-person class taught by my friend and awesome yoga instructor, Krissie. I keep missing her class because of kid obligations, but I really liked the in-person experience better than online. Plus there is a Starbucks across the street so I can walk in and out wearing my yoga pants, which is key.

And John, having to live with me (I wonder how many times he regretted that “in sickness and in health” vow last month?), decided to give yoga a try as well. And yeah, he loves it, too, because it’s helping his back pain a lot. In fact, he hardly misses a chance to practice yoga now. But he’s like that about everything: dedicated. And I mean, thank God, because I’m pretty sure his dedication is the only reason I’m not lying in the fetal position somewhere alone, begging for a plain baked potato and a scalpel to perform my own gallbladder surgery.

So now, every time I’m in savasana with Jackie and a bad thought pops up (I have really good aim with the bow and arrow, no joke), I just let it go. It’s the yoga way.

Well, that concludes my non-paid yoga advertisement. I highly recommend a little Warrior II in your life. Peace out.

My drishti (focal point). Oh yeah

My drishti (focal point). Oh yeah

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